Friday, March 10, 2006

tangled and torn
an american flag—
spring thunder


Blogger Little Onion said...

I've read this out loud a few times Dustin and I keep wanting to putan article - either 'an' or 'the' infront of american flag - in fact the more I read it the article idf it comes is 'an' rather than 'the'... for all kinds of reasons

It's interesting the number of haiku being shared that use language in reverse of how we might normally speak (i know we all speak differently) leaving the last line as a sort of reveal - or telling - not here as there is real juxtaposition - i do it to sometimes but there's a lot to be said for a staright through phrase over two lines - wondered what this looks like moved around:

a tangled and torn
.......american flag
..............spring thunder

or what's it like with the fragment first:

spring thunder
a tangled and torn
american flag


Thanks for sharing Dustin,

Little Onion

11:40 AM  
Blogger J. Andrew Lockhart said...

I like it -

8:16 PM  
Blogger Eric Dutton said...

Lord, this is perfect.

I live in Kansas and we get storms that will put the fear of God into you. There is a lot I'm inspired to say about this poem and what kind of imagary it draws out for me, but I won't bother; it's all right here in eight words.

11:26 PM  

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