Cumulus-
low, white, fluffy, heaped
the BBC tell me
out my window
I see roof tiles & smudges
and a closing sky
low, white, fluffy, heaped
the BBC tell me
out my window
I see roof tiles & smudges
and a closing sky
posted by Area 17 at 11:21 AM
3 Comments:
love the 2nd - maybe consider losing 'and' from the last line?
Little Onion
I'll bare that in my mind, but just recently on a discussion site, people have been saying that 3 pauses is too much for haiku. Maybe it's a performance thing mostly, how the third line is intoned.
out my window
I see roof tiles & smudges-
a closing sky
I quite like it as this.
Ah yes, the weather forecasters...
I really like this duo, Alan --
"closing sky" is terrific!
:-)
Lary
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