Monday, April 03, 2006

low, white, fluffy, heaped
the BBC tell me

out my window
I see roof tiles & smudges
and a closing sky


Blogger Little Onion said...

love the 2nd - maybe consider losing 'and' from the last line?

Little Onion

11:56 AM  
Blogger Alan Summers said...

I'll bare that in my mind, but just recently on a discussion site, people have been saying that 3 pauses is too much for haiku. Maybe it's a performance thing mostly, how the third line is intoned.

out my window
I see roof tiles & smudges-
a closing sky

I quite like it as this.

3:04 AM  
Blogger laryalee said...

Ah yes, the weather forecasters...
I really like this duo, Alan --
"closing sky" is terrific!

8:28 PM  

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